What Nostradamus Never Told Us

I wrote this about a month ago and now I don't know why I never posted it here. It's on my myspace, but here it is again.

In the future, there will be a fashion trend where women will wear tight fitting pants that could easily cause abortions, but tank tops that mimic maternity shirts to give the illusion they can still harbor life inside their bodies.

In the future, you will look at your reflection in the mirror and play connect-the-dots with your freckles and moles. You'll imagine you're a constellation, and all the space in between is an empty, blank void. Your freckles will just leave an outline of your story. A sketch of you. You'll wonder when you got those moles because you don't remember the last time you went outside in the daylight.

In the future, your best friends wll become the parents you never had. Are you feeling better today? Do I need to bring you some medicine? Have you eaten today? How was school? Don't you think you ought to get some sleep now? Drive safely. Call me when you get there.

In the future, our parents will cry in their bedrooms because they don't know where their parents are. We will cry in our bedrooms down the hall because we don't know where our parents are either.

In the future, people will still camp, but they'll set up tents and sleeping bags on concrete, and not on forest floors. Under streetlights, and not under stars. In front of franchises, and not mountains. In the morning they will receive videogames for roughing it. They will then spend hours indoors in front of TV sets.

In the future our ways of mass production will cause contamination in our food supply. No one will trust their doctors. We will stop taking medication, but thats okay because we won't know that the medicine can lead to fatigue, heart attacks, cancer, or death.

In the future, major corporations will rely on networking to keep co-workers informed. These co-workers will use networking to talk behind one anothers' backs. Why did Greg get that promotion, anyway?

In the future, we will rely on computers to find our soulmates. They will scientifically calculate our capacity for compassion. We will pay for these services. There will be commercials on TV advertising these services. The smiling couples won't tell you how many break-ups the computers caused them to experience before they finally settled. A few years later, scientists will discover contraceptives release toxins in your body that negate the hormones and endorphins that lead to things like sex and love, which will explain the surplus of nagging wives and the soaring divorce rates. Before the group of scientists can get the word out, the computers programmed to find our true love will revolt and demand the ability to know true love themselves. While a war rages inside the lab, a philosopher from the East will commit suicide after proclaiming true love can't exist.

In the meantime, 10,000 condoms will simultaneously break, resulting in 10,000 illegitimate children.

In the future, a team of celestial researchers will conclude that heaven and hell can not physically exist. The same day, The Pope and the Dalai Lama will agree that reincarnation is truth over a couple of beers after a long day at the office. Our generation will become those scientists, researchers, parents, friends, CEO's and religious leaders.

Unfortunately, yesterday a group of terrorists detonated a bomb filled with fumes that cause apathy to set in on every living thing, so we won't do much about any of this. After about 300 more years pass, the plants will have become so apathetic that they no longer feel the need to produce oxygen. So it doesn't really matter, anyway.